Monday, November 2, 2015

Gottman's Theory of Couples Therapy

Four Horseman
1. Criticismo Criticism= Why do you always put your work ahead of me? I am always on the bottom of the totem pole. What happened to having dinner just the two of us tonight?
o Complaint= You should check with me before inviting coworkers over for dinner to our home. I was hoping to spend time with just you tonight.
o Statement= Im upset. I was under the impression we were supposed to have dinner alone tonight.

2. Contempto Sarcasm and Cynicism
o Name Calling
o Eye-rolling
o Sneering
o Mockery
o Hostile Humor
o Contempt is poisonous to a relationship because it conveys disgust.

3. Defensivenesso Defensiveness is just a way of blaming.
o Defensiveness escalates the conflict.

4. Stonewallingo At a certain point, criticism, contempt and defensiveness give way to stonewalling.
o One partner shuts down, closes up, an emotionally leaves.
o Men are more likely to stone wall (85%)

Flooding= when one partners negativity- whether in the guise of criticism or contempt, or even defensiveness- is so overwhelming and so sudden that it leaves the other partner shell-shocked and defenseless.