Gottman's Theory of Couples Therapy 01

7 Principles for Making Marriage Work


1. Enhance Love Maps
o Develop a deep knowing about each other
o Demonstrate interest in each others lives and priorities

2. Nurture Fondness and Admiration
o Develop awareness of the things about your partner that you admire
o Fondness and admiration are antidotes for contempt
o Re-write the history and update the philosophy of your marriage

3. Turn toward each other in stead of away
o Make deposits into emotional bank accounts
o Engage in stress-reducing conversations
o Be on your partners side

4. Let your partner influence you
o Learn to accept influence
o Power sharing
o Emotional intelligence

5. Solve your solvable problems
o Soften your start up
o Learn to make and receive repair statements
o Sooth yourself and each other
o Compromise
o Be tolerant of each others faults

6. Overcome Gridlock
o Moving from gridlock to dialogue
o Give voice and share your dreams
o Steps to resolutions
o Become a dream detective
o Make peace

7. Create shared meaning
o Family rituals
o Align roles and expectations
o Share personal goals
o Symbols: create, define and share